August 30, 2009

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Fifteen Songs About The Body Parts I Might Sell Just To Own Specimen’s Little Horn Speakers
by Rachel Maddux

Right this minute, I am listening to music on my laptop’s built-in speakers. I cycled through endless pairs of $10 Target earbuds until Santa Claus brought me a half-decent pair of Bose headphones a few years back, my iPod dock of choice was purchased at a store called Linens & Things, and I don’t know my treble from a hole in the ground. Needless to say, I am not an audiophile. So why am I so transfixed by the Little Horn Speakers unveiled this week by Chicago-based custom guitar and amp shop Specimen? Well, just look at them. They’re gorgeous. Apparently they also make music sound incredible, “the way nature intended,” even. And that’s likely the feature that most impacted the $1,850 price tag, which I’ve been weeping over since the press release about these beautiful things plopped into my inbox last week.
It’s very rare that I get totally hung up on material things, especially things this expensive, but I’ve been daydreaming about them sitting in perfect, milky-white symmetry on my Expedit all weekend, “turning [my] audio world upside down” as promised. I’ve started plotting out ways to make the purchase without actually sending myself into any debt whatsoever, and the best option I’ve landed on so far is selling one or more of my body parts. Don’t know what the going rates for kidneys and eyes and whatnot are these days, but surely I could the cost of a set of Little Horns plus shipping & handling with just a bit of discomfort and moderate physical sacrifice, right?

Here are some songs about the body parts I’m considering hawking for this very worthy cause. Naturally, once the Little Horns are in my possession, these will be the first tunes that get blasted from their stunning orifices. Can’t wait!

Beck – “Cold Brains”
Bodies of Water – “These Are The Eyes”
Death Cab for Cutie – “Crooked Teeth”
Talking Heads – “Sugar On My Tongue”
Andrew Bird – “Skin”
Rufus Wainwright – “In My Arms”
Oakley Hall – “Take My Hands, We’re Free”
Radiohead – “My Iron Lung”
Wilco – “I am Trying to Break Your Heart”
Broken Social Scene – “Stomach Song”
Wire – “Kidney Bingo”
Weird Al Yankovic – “Pancreas”
Lambchop – “Ovary Eyes”
Sufjan Stevens – “We Won’t Need Legs to Stand”
Alela Diane – “Tired Feet”