In the rear of the workshop/warehouse
of Specimen Products stands a dresser that carries 20
different rusty cans of lacquer. A table with a
half-carved pumpkin, an empty 40 of Old Style and
wasted candles sits nearby, and across the room hangs
a rack of extensive and some half-open spices.
In the corner lies Ian Schneller's
unmade bed. Separated by a thin "wall," the
bed just avoids the deluge of half-finished guitar
prototypes and indefinable quantities of
miscellaneous tools, hardware, and machinery that
have helped Schneller make and sell about 60 guitars
that defy traditional designs. Sandwiched between the
bed and sink stands a discreet night table. On it,
under a film of dust and next to several clumps of
wax there is a Caller I.D. box.
"Yeah, it works," Schneller
says lighting a cigarette before he examines the
fruits of his current experiment: a guitar with a
hollowed body and banjo tuners, not 10 feet from his
bed. Although the clutter might inhibit his ability
to vacuum, Schneller said he can't imagine not living
with his work. "I haven't been able to relax in
someone's living room in years," the 33-year-old
says.
Yet Schneller has found solace for
the last two years in his not-so-weatherproof lab on
1728 W. Division, "feeling around for
sound" and doing between 30 and 100 guitar
repairs to fund research.

Schneller started Specimen Products to take
marketable goods, like the guitar, and make them more
entertaining. "I'm itching to find other
avenues, not necessarily to improve, but to come up
with variations of the same trick ponys," he
says, removing his thick-rimmed glasses.
He says responses to his unique
lifestyle range from "One-man freakshow" to
"Lots of luck, hope you'll pull it off,
buddy" and "You must be out of your
mind." It doesn't phase him, though. Ian an
orange plaid blazer and black jeans, he trots the
length of Specimen and takes a framed print off the
back wall. It's a print on homemade paper of a snake
composed of brine shrimp.
Schneller invented "artemia
printing" as a way of using brine shrimp as
photographic emulsions, bodies that are attracted to
light. It works, more of less, on the same premise as
bugs to bug lights. Before he lost interest,
Schneller tried to build a boat that would travel the
Great Lakes to take billboard size artemia prints but
failed to find subsidizing. "Everyone thought I
was joking," Schneller says.
In honor of the futile process, he
formed the renowned Chicago band Shrimp Boat, the
predecessor to Falstaff formed shortly after Shrimp
Boat's demise three years ago and since has played
about 75 shows.
Falstaff, named so after Verdi's
operatic adaptation of Shakespeare's Merry Wives
of Windsor, is on the Specimen label, as are two
Shrimp Boat albums. Schneller ("I guess I sing
and play guitar, to some extent.") and band
members Mitch Straeffer (bass, piano) and Tom Jasek
(drums, percussion) used their own money putting out Falstaff,
their first album together.
Reaching into myriad boxes to put
together a CD case, Schneller says Falstaff recorded
and produced the album themselves to avoid middleman
bureaucracy. Scoffing, Schneller adds that it once
took two years to produce a Shrimp Boat album.
"It puts everyone in a bad mood," Schneller
says about record companies. "We spent $11,000
putting this together three cents at a time. We got
to finish it correctly." ("Correctly meant
making the liner notes a beer coaster.)
A friend described Falstaff as Mr.
Bungle meets Primus, but they cover much more
territory. The sound is a compilation of orchestral
and folk elements mixed with a country twinge.
Schneller, originally from Memphis, describes
Falstaff as "insecure white boys twitchin' their
behinds."
"It's good for the
student," Schneller says of Falstaff's musical
diversity. "It gest the mind working. (There's)
never a dull moment."
The guitars, which he has sold to
bands such as Red Red Meat, The Sea and Cake and The
Coctails, have appeared in video's like Ministry's
"New World Order." They take him one to six
months to design, build and sell, and go for between
$1,000 to $2,000 each.
Schneller admits his creations are
not for everyone, although he said an indefinable
range of people tour Specimen. At one point, a
teenager enters Specimen in a t-shirt and cut-off
army pants and asks Schneller if he's ready to sell a
Stratocaster in the window. He's not. But he says he
has no lingering resentment for people who come to
Specimen for Stratocasters and not originals.
"Most modern music acts perpetuate traditions of
the Stratocaster," Schneller says. "There
are a few people who are sick of that crap."
Schneller sees his research on
improving the guitar's sound as the next logical step
toward musical individualism. His main gripe is that
musicians leave their instruments alone, without
trying to improve them. "If this ruse of
individualism is for real, then why do so many bands
want to wear the same clothes and play the same
instruments," Schneller says, nearly preaching
with his legs folded on a stool.
Living in Chicago's hipville, Wicker
Park, however, has aided his business by giving
Specimen's home national scope. "It's swell for
these kids, " he jokes. "People are pulling
instruments out of attics everywhere. It's amazing
what you can come up with when you vary traditional
themes."
He motions to a few wooden guitar
bodies behind him. "Hey, everybody, look,"
he adds, contemplatively. "Anything's
possible."
Bret Begun
photos/Callie Lipkin